What are the effects of praise on children? It depends. Praise can boost good feelings and increase motivation. It can inspire kids to be more cooperative, persistent, and hard-working. But some children bristle in response to praise, and even those who like praise can experience negative effects. This guide to the research can help you discover the right words of encouragement — and avoid the pitfalls of praising children in ways that backfire.
In traditional cultures around the world, parents have avoided praising their children (e.g., Cheah et al 2013; Komolova and Lipnitsky 2018; Paiva 2008). They’ve worried that too much praise would inflate the ego. Make kids overconfident. Too full of themselves.
By contrast, praise is often championed by folks living in contemporary “WEIRD” countries (where “WEIRD” stands for “Western, educated, industrialized, rich, and democratic”). They view praise as a valuable tool for boosting a child’s self esteem, and reinforcing good behavior.
What does the science say?
Evidence for the beneficial effects of praising children
There’s no question about it. Praise feels good!
In fact, brain studies indicate that we respond to social approval in much the same way that we respond to monetary rewards (Bhangi and Delgado 2015). And certain types of praise can lead to helpful outcomes.
A single word or gesture can make kids feel good about themselves
An enthusiastic exclamation (“wow!”) or a supportive gesture (like a high five) can engender good feelings. It may also encourage kids to work on improving their performance (Morris and Zentall 2014).
Kids experience a mood boost from sincere praise
This is true even when it comes to adolescents receiving praise from their parents. For example, in one study (van Houtum et al 2022), adolescents reported improvements in mood immediately after being told that their parents believed good things about them (e.g., that they were “responsible” or “sweet”).
Process praise can motivate children to keep working
“Process praise” is praise that recognizes a child’s choices or hard work, for example:
“Well done!”
“I like the way you tried to sound that word out, instead of just giving up.”
“I can tell you’ve been practicing!”
Done right, this sort of praise can inspire kids to keep working at challenging tasks (e.g., Kelley et al 2000; Henderlong and Lepper 2002; Gunderson et al 2013; Gunderson et al 2018a; Gunderson et al 2018b). And even toddlers seem to benefit (Lucca et al 2019).
In one study, researchers tested different approaches to praise, and found that toddlers were most likely to persist at a task when their mothers provided them with relevant, process praise as they worked (Radovanovic et al 2023).
Process praise can also foster a “growth mindset” — the belief that we can improve ourselves through practice and perseverance. As I note elsewhere, this mindset may motivate kids to challenge themselves and develop skills they might otherwise neglect.
Kids may benefit when we combine encouragement with praise that is labeled, descriptive, or “behavior-specific”
Some people call this “descriptive praise.” Others may use the terms “labeled praise” or “behavior-specific praise.” But whatever you call it, the idea is the same: Instead of saying something general, like “Great job!” or “Nice!”, you tell kids exactly what they did that you find praiseworthy.
Ideally, you focus on describing the behavior with enthusiasm, while playing down your role as a judge or enforcer of standards. The end product is a “feel good” moment that reinforces desirable behavior. Examples of such descriptive praise include:
“Wow! This room is organized and clean! It’s fun to be here!”
“You remembered to use your indoor voice. Thank you!”
“When you shared your food with Grandma, it really cheered her up!”
Is this specific praise more effective than general praise? Teachers swapping general praise for descriptive praise have reported improvements in classroom behavior, but some studies haven’t reported any significant effects (Perez et al 2023; Ennis et al 2019; Polick et 2012). I suspect that it depends on the circumstances – for instance, whether a child feels the praise is patronizing, manipulative, or embarrassing (see below).
But as long as kids don’t interpret our praise in these negative ways, descriptive praise is definitely worth trying. In an experimental study, specific, descriptive praise appeared to be more supportive of a child’s self-esteem and sense of competence (Robichaud et al 2022).
Praise for prosocial behavior may help young children develop good “people skills”
For instance, consider what happens when you encourage and praise a baby for being helpful.
“Look! Maria dropped something. She can’t reach it. Do you want to help her?”
“Thank you! You’re such a good helper!”
In an experiment on toddlers (ranging from 13-18 months), this kind of feedback didn’t seem to make much difference to the oldest kids. But among children under 15 months of age, such verbal encouragment made a big difference. Given the opportunity, these younger toddlers helped twice as often as children who received no such guidance (Dahl et al 2017).
There is also evidence that preschoolers develop better social skills when we praise them for displaying good manners (Garner 2006; Hastings et al 2007).
Praise for prosocial behavior may also protect kids from developing symptoms of depression
The evidence here comes from a study that tracked more than 3,000 children in Japan. When the kids were ten years old, researchers asked them a question about their everyday home life: “What are you praised for?”
In addition, researchers screened the children for symptoms of depression, both at age 10 and two years later, when the kids were 12.
As it turned out, children who reported recieving more praise for prosocial acts — such as helping with housework — showed fewer signs of depression at age 10 and age 12.
Moreover, the effect was substantial even after the researchers controlled for confounding factors — including children’s baseline depression symptoms; their sex; number of siblings; and how often kids actually engaged in prosocial behavior when they were 10 years old (Nagaoka et al 2022).
But it’s not all good. Praise can also have negative effects.
Studies suggest that some types of praise can actually undermine your child’s motivation (e.g., Mizokawa 2018; Xing et al 2018).
Depending on the circumstances, praise may also damage a child’s self-esteem, or fuel the development of narcissism (Brummelman et al 2017).
And of course some children dislike receiving praise. They hate the attention, or feel embarrassed by it. They might regard the praise to be undeserved, or insincere.
So how we avoid the bad stuff, and make sure we’re using praise wisely?
Here are some evidence-based guidelines.
1. Remember that kids need our support and encouragement all the time. Not just when they’ve accomplished something praiseworthy.
Praise can be beneficial, but it isn’t the only way that parents communicate their approval, acceptance, encouragement, love.
Kids need to know they have this support — especially at times when they are feeling lost, angry, or overwhelmed.
So however your family handles the use of praise, be sure to consider the big picture: The overall warmth and supportiveness of your family relationships. And find ways to encourage kids when they’ve failed — not just when they’ve succeeded.
Once interesting (and easy to learn) approach is outlined in my article, “Correcting behavior: The magic words that help kids cope with mistakes.” In addition, see my guides to positive parenting and emotion coaching, as well as these evidence-based practices for handling disruptive or aggressive behavior.
2. Watch out for insincere praise — it can trigger bad feelings.
Kids might think we feel sorry for them, or that we are trying to be manipulative. Insincere praise might also send the message that we don’t really understand our children (Henderlong and Lepper 2002).
Do these problems arise for very young children? Maybe not.
But once kids become mature enough to analyze our beliefs and motives, they may become sensitive to the effects of insincere praise (Mizokawa 2018). For many children, this shift occurs around the age of 4 or 5 years.
3. Avoid praising older kids for achievements that come easily.
As kids get older, they become savvy to the implications. Either
you’re clueless about the easy nature of the task; or
you have low expectations about a child’s abilities (Meyer 1992).
And neither of these is a message you want to send.
How early does this awareness emerge? It’s hard to know, and it doubtless depends cultural factors.
For example, if you live in a society where praise is rare, you probably won’t have the opportunity to learn that praise can be patronizing (Salili and Hau 1994).
But in places like the contemporary United States — where praise is common — kids show this understanding during the elementary school years (Barker and Graham 1987).
4. Steer away from extreme praise.
“You’re perfect! You’re incredibly good at this!“
Extreme praise might seem like a great way to boost a child’s self-esteem. But it can backfire.
First of all, there’s the problem of looking insincere (see #2) or patronizing (see #3). Older kids in particular may conclude that we think relatively little of their potential. Why else would we lower our standards this much?
For instance, in a recent study, school-aged kids (ages 10-13 years) offered their interpretations of the praise offered by teachers in several difference scenarios. When the teachers in these scenarios responded to a student with extreme praise (“You did INCREDIBLY well!”), kids concluded that the student was probably hardworking…but not so smart (Schoneveld and Brummelman 2023).
Secondly, even if children believe we’re sincere, this kind of inflated, over-the-top praise can lead to trouble. It sets a crazy-high standard. How can a child hope to maintain it?
Once again, the youngest children might not perceive a problem. They lack the insight to worry about their future performance.
But as kids mature, things change. They don’t want to lose our respect and approval. So when they encounter a new challenge, they back off. They don’t want to risk failure. They don’t want to look bad.
Experiments suggest that children with low self esteem are especially prone to this effect (Brummelman et al 2014). And when researchers tracked 120 school-aged kids over time, they found worrying trends (Brummelman et al 2017). Kids who received lots of inflated praise from their parents were more likely to experience negative psychological outcomes, regardless of their pre-existing levels of self-esteem.
Kids with low self-esteem at the beginning of the study were less likely to improve.
Kids with average levels of self-esteem were more likely to get worse.
And kids with high self-esteem went in a different direction. They were more likely to become narcissistic.
5. Praise kids for things they can control — not for being gifted with special abilities.
You’re so smart!
You’re so talented!
This praise might seem calculated to boost self-esteem and increase a child’s motivation. And it might work that way. Sometimes.
But research suggests that this kind of praise can backfire. And it’s for the same reason we’ve already mentioned: Kids can get worried about maintaining a high standard.
Carol Dweck and her colleagues have demonstrated the effect in a series of experimental studies. When we praise kids for their ability, kids become more cautious. They avoid challenges.
Kids might also get the message that intelligence or talent is something that people either have or don’t have. This leaves kids feeling helpless when they make mistakes. What’s the point of trying to improve if your mistakes indicate that you lack intelligence?
For these reasons, Dweck thinks it’s better to avoid praising kids for ability. Instead, praise them for things that they can clearly change — like their level of effort or the strategies they use. For more information on the effects of praise on intellectual performance, click here.
6. Use process praise, but be careful about praising older kids for effort.
As Jennifer Henderlong Corpus and Kayla Good argue (2021), praising kids for effort can be a tricky business. While it can be helpful for young children, research suggests that older kids may view this as a kind of “consolation prize”, or indication that we think they need to work hard because they lack innate ability (e.g., Amemiya and Wang 2018).
7. Unlock of the power of descriptive praise.
Descriptive praise can help kids figure out what’s desirable. It can act as positive reinforcement for the behaviors we want kids to develop. But remember the key points: You want to deliver specific, positive feedback without it coming across as a heavy-handed evaluation. In its purest form, descriptive praise is just stating the facts, but with a warm or admiring tone of voice.
8. Watch out for “pep talks” that come off as intrusive, directive, or critical.
Sometimes we start out with best intentions, but then add something that undermines the whole purpose of praise:
“That’s great! If you had done this earlier, see how much better off you would be?”
“Well done! Now if you keep this up, you’ll be an expert in no time!”
When we talk like this, we’re in danger of nullifying the benefits of praise. And while that might be easy to appreciate with the first example (nobody likes to hear “I told you so!”), the second example can be problematic too.
Kids may get the idea that we’re only praising them to make them work harder, or otherwise conform to our goals. In effect, they feel like we are undermining their sense of agency or self-determination (Soenens and Vansteenkiste 2020; Corpus and Good 2021).
Once again, this is something that kids are going to become more sensitive to as they get older. But it’s probably a good idea to pay attention to these factors from the beginning. As I note elsewhere, the more we respect a child’s developmental needs for autonomy, the more likely they are to cooperate with us.
9. Beware of overpraising kids for doing things they enjoy.
It’s okay to praise kids for doing what they like to do. But be careful not to go overboard—particularly with older kids. When you praise kids every time they do something they enjoy, it might actually reduce their intrinsic motivation (Henderlong and Lepper 2002).
For example, suppose that Adam loves to eat broccoli. But every time he eats broccoli, his mom praises him for it. Consciously or unconsciously, Adam starts to question his motivation. Is he eating broccoli only for the praise? Adam changes his attitude toward broccoli-eating. It’s a chore, not a pleasure. If the praise ends, Adam loses interest in eating broccoli.
Does this sort of thing really happen? It’s been well-documented in cases where people are given tangible rewards each time they perform a particular behavior (e.g., giving your child some money each time he eats broccoli). The feedback appears to re-set a person’s attitude (Lepper and Henderlong 2000).
There’s less research showing that social rewards—like praise—can produce the same effect. However, a brain study reveals that social rewards (like praise) and tangible rewards (like money) activate the same regions of the brain (Izuma et al 2008). And a food-tasting experiment performed on children found that praise, like tangible rewards, made kids like a food less (Birch et al 1984).
10. Praise kids for individual mastery. Avoid praise that compares your child to others.
Parents and teachers are often interested in praising kids for their competence, and that’s a good thing. But Jennifer Henderlong Corpus and Kayla Good (2021) recommend that we stick with words of encouragement that emphasize individual mastery, such as:
“Wow! You’ve figured it out!”, or
“You’ve really learned how to solve these problems!”
But praising kids by telling them their better, or smarter, or more accomplished than their peers? In the long run, this can actually undermine their intrinsic motivation (Corpus and Good).
At first blush, it might seem like a good idea. After all, research has shown that such social-comparison praise enhances a child’s motivation and enjoyment of a task (see review in Henderlong and Lepper 2002).
But there are at least two big problems with social-comparison praise.
Problem #1: Social-comparison praise is only motivating as long as kids continue to finish first.
If their competitive edge slips, kids are likely to lose motivation.
To see what I mean, consider this experiment on American 4th and 5th graders (Corpus et al 2006). Kids were given a set of puzzles to complete and received either
social-comparison praise
mastery praise (i.e., comments about how the child had mastered the task), or
no praise at all
Next, kids completed a second task. This time they were left without clear feedback about how they’d done. How did this uncertainty affect each child’s motivation?
It depended on what kind of praise kids had received earlier. Those who had received social comparison praise suffered a loss of motivation. But kids who had received mastery praise showed enhanced motivation.
Problem #2: Social-comparison praise teaches kids that competitive standing, not mastery, is the goal.
When kids decide that the goal is to outperform other kids, they lack intrinsic motivation for a task. Work is only interesting insofar as it permits them to show that they are the best.
Even worse, these kids are so wrapped up in maintaining their competitive standing that they avoid challenges and opportunities to learn. Why tackle something new and risk failure? Social-comparison praise doesn’t prepare kids for coping with failure. Instead of trying to learn from their mistakes, these kids respond by feeling helpless (Elliot and Dweck 1988).
More to read
If this article was helpful, you might also enjoy these Parenting Science offerings about guiding children:
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Content of “Effects of praise” last modified 3/2024
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